


Where's My Love?

by Dep



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Children, F/M, Married Life, Merlin and Arthur are half-brothers, Secrets, Smut, Swearing, cheating arthur
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-15
Updated: 2020-10-09
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:02:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 17,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23673532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dep/pseuds/Dep
Summary: Something's off with Arthur, Morgana could tell. After the birth of Igraine, their second child, they had drifted apart. And while it was easy to ignore until now, Morgana knows that the future of their family lies in her hands.OrMorgana has one month to prove Arthur that their family is all he'll ever need. She's all he'll ever need.''All I ask is a month. If by the end of it you still want a divorce, then I'll trouble you no more.''!Modern AU!
Relationships: Arthur Pendragon/Sophia (Merlin), Cenred/Morgause (Merlin), Gorlois/Vivienne (Merlin), Igraine/Balinor (Merlin), Morgana/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 80
Kudos: 44





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, um, I had this crazy idea to start a new fanfic while working on another at the same time... And because this idea just couldn't leave my mind, I had to write it down!  
> Hope you enjoy! Many kisses! <3

_**Cold sheets, but where's my love?** _

The sun was still hidden behind the black of the night, when Morgana opened her eyes. With blurry vision, she saw someone moving silently around the room. Rubbing her eyes, she lazily stood on one arm.

''Arthur? Is that you?'', her voice has hoarse from sleep and she noticed the figure stilling at the sound of her voice.

''Sleep, Morgana, it's late.'', he said and before she could answer, he had entered the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

She sighed and dropped back on the mattress. Playing with her raven locks, she waited for him to come to bed, silently.

A few minutes later, the bathroom door opened once again and steam followed after him like a haunting ghost. She smiled softly as he lay beside her.

''What time is it?''

''Late. Sleep.'', his tone was commanding and he looked like he wasn't in the best of moods.

She frowned. ''Is everything alright?'', she softly asked and lay her head on his chest. A few silent moments passed, his chest was heaving up and down. He seemed worried about something, she could almost hear his mind running marathons.

''Yes.'', he answered, at last. Kissing her temple, he turned his back on her. ''Sleep, 'Gana.''

Worried, she mumbled a faint 'goodnight'. Feeling the urge to sooth him, she ran her fingers from his neck to his back. He always loved this when he was stressed. Yet, this time, she felt him tense under her touch and she soon understood why, once she felt light bumps over his skin. She froze and took her hand away.

''Please, Morgana, sleep.'', his voice was softer now, his tone almost pleading and... was it guilt she heard in his tone? Of course not, for what could he guilty about, after all?

In a rush, she got up and put a shawl over her shoulders. As the moonlight brightened their room, she hesitantly turned her gaze on him. The moon was giving her the answer, yet she stubbornly refused to see it. Swallowing an inexistant lump, she hurried out of the room, closing the door behind her.

She stood there for a few moments, right outside of their door, taking a few breaths. Her hands were trembling and a few unshed tears were trying to make their way from the corners of her eyes. She quickly wiped them off and slowly walked towards the end of the hall, close to the stairs. She stopped outside the first room and opened the door as lightly as possible. Light snores welcomed her and she unknowingly smiled.

Mordred, her firstborn, was sleeping and peacefully was not a word to describe it. His five-year-old body was all over the bed, from one corner to the over. His little legs were hanging off of it, along with one of his arms. His little mouth was slightly parted and his breath was constantly pushing up and down a raven lock that was falling over his temple. She chuckled and moved to put him in a better position, while wrapping the covers around him. For a second, his blue orbs met her emerald ones and she smiled, kissing both of his cheeks and his temple.

Igraine's room was beside her brother's. Unlike him -and more like her father, she was a peaceful sleeper, most of the times, at least. Her golden hair were spread over her pillows and she was still tucked in just as she had left her a few hours ago. She kissed her temple, too, and walked out of her room, slowly.

As she took the steps which led her closer and closer to the end of the stairs, breathing was getting harder by the second. Every room, every corner of each room had plenty of memories of them.

Making a cup of coffee, she took a sit outside on the bench and looked out, up to the stars and to the far end of the garden. It didn't matter where she was looking at, her emerald lakes were foggy and lost to a world of memories and happiness.

Eight years of marriage were not much, yet neither were they little. They had created a beautiful family, against all odds. Against his father's constant doubts about everything, against their own fears, all seemed to have finally settled. And with the arrival of their second child, happiness would be an understatement of a word.

Yet, soon after Igraine's birth, five years ago, her husband began to get more and more distant. Could it be his father's constant demands? He seemed to had bittered all the more after learning of theirs daughter's name. She could blame it on his hatred for the wife who left him behind, taking his son with her and raising him with another man. She couldn't blame her, though. Uther was a harsh man and her mother-in-law had spoken a few times about his cheating habits as a married man. She was happy that Igraine had met someone who could actually take care of her and her son and love him as if he was his own. Balinor was a great man, nothing like Uther ever could be! And Merlin, Arthur's half-brother, was also a sweetheart, just like his father.

Yet, he too had become distant these past few months. His baby blue eyes were always hesitant when landed on her and his smiles were tiny and unsure. Nothing like the Merlin she knew.

She inhaled the cold air of the morning as the first light of the day made it's appearance known from over the hills.

Arthur was the man she had always wanted, as a friend, as a lover, as a husband and as the father of her children. He was loving, caring, cheerful and strict when he needed to be. They had come a long way, from constantly bickering with each other at the early days of college, to becoming friends, to soon becoming lovers and to becoming parents of two beautiful and adorable children.

A tiny tear slipped from her eyes and ran down to her jaw. She made no move to wipe it off. The future seemed, for the first time in years, too unpredictable. So much that it almost scared her.

She heard tiny steps approaching her and lazily she looked over her shoulders. Igraine was walking towards the door, rubbing her emerald eyes and dragging a tiny stuffed bear along with her. It was her father's first gift, given to her at her birth. She never slept without it and the very sight of her holding its paw tight made her chuckle.

''Why are you up so early, sweetheart?'', she softly asked and opened the door, allowing her to come to her.

The little girl yawned and climbed to her lap, making herself comfortable. ''Mommy... I had a dream...'', she almost whined, rubbing her little nose against her mother's warm neck.

Morgana covered her with her shawl and hugged her tight. ''Another one, Ig? What about, this time?''

''About you and dad. I saw you yelling at each other.'', she rose her eyes up and looked at her mother's ones. Eyes so similar that seemed like Morgana had given her her own. ''Do you ever yell at each other, mommy?''

Morgana gulped, frowning. There were a few times that they had fought over his growing absence and ignorance. She tried to keep it in their room as much as possible, but she was sure that their children had heard a few of their words. It pained her that they had affected them that much. ''Listen, sweetheart.'', she sighed and began to explain. ''When two people love each other, they sometimes fight.''

''But why?'', she asked, tears almost covering her beautiful innocent eyes. ''Why do you have to fight if you love each other?''

Morgana eyes softened. She could feel the urge to cry fast approaching, but she brushed it off. ''Because... Sometimes when things go wrong, you have to point some things out and shake some sense in the person you love.'', she tried to smile, her eyes glowed with mischievousness and Igraine chuckled in her lap. She laughed with her and tickled her. As their laughs soon calmed down, Morgana hugged her tightly. ''Sleep, my love. I promise, everything will be fine.'', she kissed her temple and after Igraine's faint 'I love you', she heard her breaths began to get softer, as she drifted off to a peaceful sleep.

Morgana was rocking back and forth, kissing her soft hair or her temple then and now.

_Everything would work out just fine. They were a family._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It wasn't my intention to cut it there, but the chapter would get too long. I'll probably update the rest of it sometime tomorrow. Hope you enjoy it! Stay safe! <3

_**You break my heart in the blink of an eye** _

The sweet smell of pancakes was filling Arthur's nostrils, as he was putting on a shirt. As his steps took him closer and closer to the kitchen, he could hear low humming and, unknowingly, his lip corners were pulled up into a tiny smile.

Entering the room in silent steps, he saw his wife swinging her hips to the sound of a unique lullaby of her own. She was using a spoon as a microphone, while singing with her eyes shut. Her dark hair were pulled up in a messy bun, while sweat pants and a batman-t-shirt of his own were covering her curvy body.

_She was beautiful..._

''Goodiemor, daddy!'', a tiny voice was heard from behind him and he almost jumped in surprise. Both Morgana and him turned to see their children standing at the kitchen door.

She looked at him with a light blush on her pale cheeks. She lowered her gaze and stepped closer, hugging both of their kids in her arms. ''Goodiemor, my loves.'', she greeted them, making him smile. Igraine's first poor try of pronouncing 'Good morning' was cute enough to be kept around and used as their own kind of first greet of the day.

Morgana stood up and swallowed shyly. ''I didn't know you were standing there...''

''It wasn't for long.'', he assured her, taking his place on the table while she sighed lightly and returned to her pancakes.

Their morning was no different than the rest they had, as they ate their breakfast in silence. They would both steal glances of one another then and now, both too drown in their own thoughts.

She decided to break the silence after a few minutes. ''So, have you thought of your Christmas presents yet?'', she asked, looking at the kids, who were silently eating their pancakes.

Right after her question, Igraine was the first to speak, too excited for her ideas. ''Yes! Mommy, can we get a puppy, please?''

Morgana chuckled, shaking her head. ''Ig, puppies are not toys. You can't just throw them away when you don't need them anymore. And, don't forget, they demand a lot of attention and care.''

''Please, mommy, we promise to take care of it! We will feed it, bathe it, take it out for a walk!'', Igraine kept insisting, while her mother kept sighing.

Arthur tried to hide his smile behind his palm. Taking a deep breath, he swallowed his food and cleared his throat. ''Let them have it, Morgana. It's time for them to start taking on some responsibilities.''

''It's a puppy, Arthur, we can't just return it.'', she tried to shake some sense in him, but her husband just shrug his shoulders.

''If they don't keep their word, then Uncle Merlin will get the puppy and no more animals will get into the house.'', his voice was stern as he looked over his children.

Yet Igraine just clapped her palms in excitement. ''Of course, daddy!'', she extended her pinky finger to her father. Arthur laughed and followed along, sealing their pinky promise.

Morgana just stood there, smiling at the view. ''Alright... I'll think about it.'', her words were followed by a shrink of excitement from her daughter and the sound of her parents' chuckles. She then turned her attention to her son, who seemed too quite. ''Dear, what would you like for Christmass?''

Her son's bright blue eyes hesitantly looked up from his plate. He cleared his throat -a habit of his father whenever he felt nervous, and sat straight. He looked between the both of them, clearly thinking of his next words. Mordred might had her looks -except from the eyes, yet he was the spitting image of his father when he was his age. It always amazed her how similar they were in everything.

After a few moments of silence, Arthur extended his arm and touched his son's shoulders. ''Tell us, Mord.''

The little man then took a deep breath and looked his father straight in the eyes. ''I'd like us to go to a mini vacation... All four of us...''

His words were shocking, yet both of his parents tried to hide their reaction. They shared a look, trying to decide on what they should tell him.

It would be usual for a family to go on a vacation with their children on Christmass time. Well, not for them. For the past four years, Morgana would spend Christmass with her children, her parents, her sister and her own family back in Ireland, while Arthur would stay back in England, with lots of work to do. Or so he said... For the last two, in fact, Igraine and Balinor would join her, as Arthur's parents and her own seemed to have became great friends over the years. And while they would seem happy and chatty, she would often sneak out of bed at night, drinking a glass of wine beside the fireplace.  
Loneliness had become a close friend of hers... Yet, the very realization of her eight-year-old missing their family moments had hit her hard. _Where had they gone wrong?_

Arthur took in a deep breath and the sound of him clearing his throat soon followed. ''Listen, son... As you know, I-''

''We'll surely considerate it, babe.'', she was quick to cut him off by placing her warm hand on top of his own, receiving a shocked look from him. Yet, she just ignored him and smiled softly. ''We're sorry for not offering you two some family moments. We'll try to fix that.''

And while their children seemed happy with her words, Arthur looked away. She could acknowledge the all-too-familiar feeling of guilt in her husband's eyes, yet she chose to brush it off and keep smiling. 

_For now._


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to mention, I decided that it was better for them to be married for eight years! So, Mordred is eight and Igraine five.  
> Prepare yourselves for all the drama that is to come ;)

**_I saw it from afar_ **

**_But my eyes have always fooled me_**

Later in the noon, Morgana was casually sipping on her coffee, looking over the garden. The children were off to school and they were to stay there until 5 PM, Arthur had gone to the office and she had done most of her chores for the morning. Everything seemed too quiet for her own taste.

She would often steal glances then and now on her phone screen, longing for even a mere message from him. There were many times like this that she would bring back memories of when he would phone her or at least message her through the day, just to check on her and their children. That was quite a long time ago...

Her palm became a shade of gold and red, as she brought her hand before her face. She clenched her fingers and let out a breath. Her fingertips felt numb, yet she could clearly feel the bumps from last night against them once more. She would be lying to herself if she claimed it to be the first time. Arthur had been acting strange for a few years now, and this passed year was the worst of all. He would even try to hide his upper body from her gaze. And while she hadn't paid much thought on it at first, now it all seemed to fit right in. Truth was, she had been too afraid to confront him for the things she had felt in this body. She had tried so hard to act as if it was only in her imagination, but with each passing day, they seemed to drift farther and farther apart.

A single tear rolled down her pale cheek and she let it roll its way down to her breasts. It was time for her to accept it and stop running away from it...

The sound of her phone ringing drove her abruptly away from her thoughts and it caused her beating heart to dance in hope. Her lips were pulled up into a big smile and she finally, after all this time, she felt true happiness.

_Happiness that it was not meant to last..._

She felt pain flowing through her chest in the sight of her sister's name. Letting out an angry sigh, she closed her eyes tightly and tried to concentrate on her breaths. After taking a sip from her now cold coffee, she answered.

''Goodmorning, Morg.'', her sister's nickname rolled casually out her tongue, yet her voice was hoarse from her trying to control her urge to let herself explode.

A tiny pause followed and then Morgause's voice was heard. '''Gana? Are you alright?''

She tried to calm her rapid breaths. Her pulse seemed to be beating like a drum. A million thoughts were running through her mind and all of them revolved around him. _What had she done wrong? Why was he like this? Had he stopped loving her? Was it her? Her body? It was true that after Igraine's birth she had put on some extra weight, but she hadn't had that much time to actually treat herself as she used to. Hell, she hadn't even had the time to enjoy a proper bubble bath she so loved! And he... he hadn't touched her in over a year..._

''Morgana, listen to me breathing. Concentrate on my rhythm.'', Morgause's stern voice cut through her thick cloud of thought. Her steady breaths matched her own and she felt panic give way to peace. ''Are you alright?'', her voice full of concern and she quickly nodded her head, as if she could see her.

''Yes.'', Morgana's voice was no longer shaky and that alone was a good sign.

The blonde sister let out a soft breath. ''What happened?'', her tone was soft and loving, concern was clearly colouring it. Morgana would often feel as if Morgause was her mother, rather than her sister. She was older a few years, yet she'd always acted as if she was her responsibility to protect and guide. Morgause was her bestfriend, the only one she had. And the only one she needed.

With Morgana still not answering to her, Morgause let out another sigh. ''Is it about him?'', her little sister's silence was the answer she needed. ''Morgana, I told you-''

''No, Morgause.'', her tone was stern yet tired. She was so tired. The very realization that she had failed was quietly eating her bit by bit. She needed time. Time and a big hug, to feel safe once again. Someone to sooth her and tell her that everything was going to be fine. And Morgause was too far to do that...

''No, you will listen to me this time!'', Morgause wasn't willing to give up. She had been silently watching her sister suffer more and more each year, all alone. There were a few times she had tried to shake some sense in her, to comfort her and try to find a solution, yet she would always shut her out, claiming that everything was fine. It was more than clear now that everything was far from being fine. ''I know it's hard, but you have to understand. I can't stand seeing you like this anymore, 'Gana! You can either end it or fucking face it!'', the moment she raised her voice, she immediately regretted it. Morgause gave both her sister and herself some time to calm down. This feeling has been slowly building up in her. It was time for Morgana to make a choice and not run away from her problems. She didn't know why she was acting like this, as she was known to be the most aggressive of the two of them, yet Morgause was sure that something big was happening that had Morgana's confident self shrinking from whatever she was going through and refusing to face the truth.

Morgana's eyes were teary once she opened them after a few moments. ''Mordred said that he'd like us to go to a mini vacation, just the four of us. He misses his family.'', what Morgause heard was a tired and almost broken child, rather than her own sister. Her chest heaved at the thought of being too far to be able to hold her and kiss her raven hair.

''Well... Children are intelligent beings... They notice even the smallest of details...''

Morgana sniffed, wiping the tears off her cheeks. ''Igraine asked me why we're fighting and if we love each other. She's only five... I didn't know what to say...''

The older sister hummed. ''Do you love each other, Morgana?'', she asked.

She didn't know. Such a simple question with such a simple answer. It should had slipped off her tongue as easily as her name. But... no...

''I don't... I do... I do love him...''

Morgause nodded, more to herself than to anyone else. ''I see...'', she took in a deep breath. ''Well, from how I see it, you have two options. You either confront him of whatever bullshit is going through his mind, or divorce him. He clearly does not deserve you or his family if he doesn't value you. You have been through thick and thin, all along standing there, by his side. For me, he's just an asshole for treating you like this for all these years. And I may be a lot of things, but blind is definitely not one of them.'', at this, she heard her little sister's low chuckle and she smiled along.

''You're right...'', she agreed, after a few moments. She would have to, eventually. Perhaps, it was already time. She took in a deep refreshing breath and a few sips from her coffee. ''Tell me how things are going back home.'', she softly asked, wishing to stop thinking about all her marriage problems for a few minutes.

So, she heard with interest and laughed hard and truthfully with whatever story her sister had to tell her about their parents, Cenred and her little niece, Viv, who was at the same age with her own son.

* * *

* * *

Two hours or so later, she was standing in front of her bedroom mirror, checking for any last-minute details. She had taken a refreshing bath, done her hair down in loose locks and put on a dark blue suit. A hesitant smile began to spread slowly across her red lips as she took in on her reflection. Her fingertips gently touched the confident woman who was staring at her behind the glass. She reminded her so much of what she used to be... She wondered what had really happened to her, how much power could a simple suit piece hold to make her feel so ready to conquer and destroy whatever stood in her way.

She took in a deep breath, just to enjoy the beautiful image in front of her a little bit longer. Then, she walked out of their house and started driving to her husband's office.

Her plan was pretty simple, yet she needed that little bit of encouragement her sister and her own image offered her. The fear was real and slowly eating her every hope, but still, she refused to feed it and let it eat her. She was no coward, she never was. And now was not the time to be. She would head into his office, kiss him and suggest him to go out for dinner, just the two of them. She would tell him how much she loved him, how much he meant to her and that she was willing to fix whatever there was between them.

The light feeling of her lips against her fingertips made her shiver in anticipation. She missed kissing him... So... So much... When was the last time they had shared a proper kiss? Not a light goodnight kiss on the temple but an actually full passionate kiss on the lips. She so missed feeling his strong arms around his waist, dragging her closer to his broad chest... The very feeling of feeling wanted...

After a half hour drive, she was standing outside the tall building and walking steadily towards the entrance. There, many greeted her and offered her warm smiles, while heading to enjoy their lunch break. Yet, as she made her way to the top ground, where Arthur's office was, silence was what welcomed her, except from the sight of a dark-haired man buried in his files and papers.

''Goodmorning, Merlin.'', she softly greeted him. Once his baby blue eyes landed on her, her lips pulled up in a warm smile. ''Long time no see.''

''Morgana! I-what- what are you doing here?'', his eyes were wide and his movements rushed and clumsy as he tried to stand up from his seat. At the sight of her confused raised eyebrow, he cleared his throat and lightly loosened his tie around his neck.

''I've come to see Arthur, take him out for lunch.'', she spoke slowly, trying to take in on his presence. She could tell something was off, yet it was hard to put her finger on it... He seemed too stressed out of the sudden... ''Are you alright?''

''Yes! Yes! Why shouldn't I, anyway? Um- here, I've got lots of work to do and lots of files to deal with and you know how Arthur is, putting all the hard work on me and-''

She gently nodded, cutting him off his babbling. ''I see... I'll go check on Arthur and leave you too to re-'', she said, making her way to his office door, yet before she could even open it, Merlin was standing right in front of her.

''No!''

She stopped, frowning. ''No?''

He visibly gulped. _God, why was it so hard..._ ''No! I mean... He's in a meeting... With... Someone...''

She titled her head to the side and let herself observe him carefully.

''Merlin, are you alright? Is something happening?''

He quickly shook his head no, avoiding her gaze. ''N-no, of course not.''

She stood silently there for a few moments. If it was fear what she had felt minutes before, now it was terror. She was terrified of what lied behind the door. Of Merlin's strange behavior. Of her family's future. An eerie feeling was slowly crawling its way to her heart. _Something was not right..._

''Merlin... Please...'', she begged but neither of them knew what for.

He slowly looked at her once again and she saw guilt and pain in his deep blue eyes. He was chewing on his lips, as if trying to decide on something big. Maybe it was the terrified look in her eyes, or even his own thoughts that were blaming him. Either way, he slowly stood aside and looked away.

Morgana took in a deep breath and a tiny smile rose to her lips. _She was thanking him, but what for?_

Once the door opened, all her courage was instantly washed away and a broken sob left her trembling lips.

_''Arthur?''_


	4. Chapter 4

**_Maybe we're already defeated_ **

_''Arthur?''_

A muffled sobbing like sound was what brought Arthur back to present. He felt hands around his neck squishing him tighter against a soft pair of breasts and hair fall over one side of his face. He turned his gaze towards the door and he instantly felt his heart start beating like he had just ran a marathon. A sudden pain shot through his chest at the sight of his wife's red teary eyes.

''Morgana?!'', he almost yelled, trying to get the woman off his lap and stand up. ''What- fuck!'', he cursed as he saw her running away and Merlin standing by the door with his head hanging low. His eyes were blazing like fires, as he particularly ran after her. ''Why the hell are you just standing there? Stop the damn elevator!'', he ordered him as he saw her entering it. His brother just looked away in guilt and Arthur growled and took a spread, stopping the elevator doors from closing at the last minute and getting inside there with her too.

Rather than looking at his face, she had her face hung low, as silent tears were running out her eyes. Arthur pushed a button and stopped the elevator from moving, letting out a big exhausted sigh. _This is not how it should have happened..._

Hearing her sobs getting louder, he went to touch her chin but she instantly turned her face on the other way. ''Morgana... Please... Look at me...''

Silence and the sound of her trying to control her aching heart filled the small room. His heart felt like it was about to burst out of sadness and guilt inside his chest.

''Why?''

Such a small word and yet he felt like dying. It would be easier that than answering such a question. Not even he was ready to face the answer and the truth... He felt like he had done the greatest mistake in his life...

He sighed and laid his head against the cold metal beside her trembling form. ''I'm sorry.'', it was nothing more than a whisper, yet it shattered all her hopes all the same. Such an easy phrase to say, with such a difficult meaning... Did he really mean it?

He shook his head lightly, regretting all those thoughts running through his head. She... She deserved so much better than this... He noticed her breaths getting heavier and shallower by the second and he quickly turned to her.

''Morgana?! Are you alright?!'', she was unable to answer him, as she felt the tiny room shrinking down on her. The four walls were not big enough to provide her some clear air and him so close to her was not helping either. She needed some air right then, or she would definitely die.

Upon the feeling of his hands on her face and out of desperation, she punched the closed metal door, trying to give him a signal. He widened his eyes and opened the door right away, dragging her almost in an unconscious state out of the small room.

''Morgana?! Please, listen to me, don't close your eyes!'', he shouted as Merlin ran to his side in clear panic. He felt his vision getting blurry as she pushed him away and balanced herself against the wall. He let out a frustrated breath and ran a hand through his hair as he ordered Merlin to bring her some water.

Once she felt ready to speak again, she slowly turned towards him. Yet, before she could even speak a word, her eyes landed on a beautiful woman standing by his office door. A lump was slowly forming in her throat. She was so beautiful... A red skirt and a white shirt were covering her hourglass-like figure, while her red lips were slightly parted with her light grey eyes targeted on her. She suddenly felt so stupid inside her dark blue suit and with not much make-up on. She clearly was too drown in her housewife duties, she had forgot how to dress to impress.

''Morgana?'', Arthur worried soft voice rang inside her ears and she remembered to turn her gaze on him.

His dirty blond hair were flying to all directions and his shirt had the first three buttons open. A light red mark was slowly forming against the right side of his chest and it was high enough for her to see, with his tie nowhere to be seen. He looked at her with guilt, yet there was nothing she could do for it.

She swallowed the annoying lump and looked away. ''I'm going home. We... We'll talk later.''

''Morgan-''

''Please.'', she cut him off, her eyes all teary and pleading. He was clearly fighting an inner battle between keeping her there and solving it, or letting her go. Morgana was quick to make the choice for him.

She might had forgotten how to be many things in those past years, yet she never lost respect for herself.

* * *

* * *

It was a few hours later, when Merlin entered Arthur's office once again, with lots of paperwork and folders with him. The first sight he caught was of him running his hands through his hair -for the millionth time of the day he guessed. His blue piercing eyes were red, with growing dark circles around them. He almost pitied him. Almost.

His gaze was cold when it landed on his step-brother, as he dropped all his work on his wooden desk. His lips closed into a thin line and a deep frown was evident on his temple. Arthur's mind was a huge mess in that moment and the least he could wish for was his brother's critical eyes upon him. A soft sigh left his lips as he focused his gaze on a tiny little detail on his desk.

''Say it Merlin.'', his voice was hoarse and a strong smell of alcohol filled the room with each word. Merlin's first instinct was to soften his eyes and run to his brother's side, but he was quick to take control of his urge upon the sight of Morgana's teary eyes in his mind.

''What exactly?'', he asked, irritation as clear as the day was colouring his tone. ''That you're a fool? A coward? The worst of all? Would that really help you?''

The blond man swallowed the hard lump in his throat and ran a hand over his tired face. He moved to take another sip from his bottle of some fancy liquor, yet next thing he knew was it, broken and spilled all over his floor.

''What the f-''

''Answer me, Arthur!'', he yelled and demanded for an answer. Arthur stood there, too shocked to form any proper sound. He had never seen his brother that angry. His baby blue eyes had turned to a dark blue, reminding him of something dangerous. It reminded him of hurricanes and anything threatening. He saw him landing his palm against his desk with fury. ''I tried to stand by you! I tried to understand this new behavior of yours, but this? Have you no shame, Arthur? Fucking cheating on her! Do you think she deserves this? What you give her?''

''No.'', the sound was too weak to even reach his own ears and, if Arthur wished to be honest with himself, this was also the answer to all those countless questions that were swaying around his mind from the moment his wife's beautiful eyes landed on him.

'' Fucking answer me!''

''I said no, dammit!'', he almost screamed, feeling like wanting to shed off his own skin. The throbbing headache had been his loyal companion since the moment Morgana walked away from him this morning. He couldn't shake that image from his mind: her not wanting his touch. Even after all this time, even after him neglecting her over and over again this past two years, she would always try to reach out to him, to feel him, hug him, kiss him.

''Then why, Arthur? Why are you doing this to her?'', this time, Merlin's tone was softer. He felt guilty, Arthur could tell. Merlin would always tell him to leave work and even give him some extra work to do, so he could spend some quality time with his family. And he would always decline his every offer and force himself to finish whatever work he had and find some little joy in whatever company he could get. For a voice was always in his mind, whispering fearful words.

_''She will leave you, Arthur. Eventually, she will.''_

''I don't know.'', he could feel his mind leading him to dangerous paths. Images that seemed like a living form of his worst nightmares were popping all around his mind. He hid his face between his palms and tried to shut them all away.

Merlin sighed. The sight of his back towards him forced a bitter taste on Arthur's throat. He seemed to have a habit of driving his favourite people away from him, lately...

''Make a choice, Arthur.'', his brother looked at him over his shoulder, with a voice as soft as velvet, yet with a gaze as sharp as knife. ''She's like a sister to me and the mother of my niece and nephew. I will not have you causing her any more pain.''

The sound of his footsteps fading was a harsh reminder of his time ticking away. He rubbed his fingertips against his temple, trying to sooth the growing headache. How he longed for an answer... His marriage with Morgana was... perfect... Ideal even! That was up until their daughter's birth. At first, she would avoid his every touch or even hide her body from him. He thought that her extra weight was to blame, or even her obsession to be perfect at all times, in any role. The role of the mother was not new, though, as Mordred had already been three years old when Igraine came along. So, he decided to give her space and peace. He would force himself working way more than any of his employees and avoid getting home in time for dinner at night. His father seemed happy with that, though, as he had succeeded in the years to come to turn their technology firm into an empire, with Merlin and himself on the lead.

He was happy, he was successful and able to provide his family with everything they could wish for. Two lovely children and a beautiful wife who had dedicated her life in them, they all were waiting for him at home. Or so they all thought... Morgana was the perfect housewife. Yet, at nights when he used reach out to her, she would just kiss him and turn her back to him, whispering a faint 'goodnight'. Her growing demand to set up a business of her own was the main reason of most of their fights these last few years, also. This, and his growing absence.

They hadn't touched each other in almost two years and he knew that it was his entire fault. Yet, he couldn't shake that voice out of him. And, most of all, his guilt...

He ran a hand over his face for the millionth time that day and looked out the large glass, over the busy London city.

Arthur hoped to be a great man by the time he turned thirty, yet he knew he had become the worst of them all. A ruthless ambitious businessman, yet the most ignorant husband and father in history.

His son's request of them spending some family time was still haunting him. He was the worst and he surely didn't deserve them... He didn't deserve Ig's giggles each time he entered their home, smelling of cigarette and alcohol, not did he deserve Mordred's beaming eyes and Morgana's warm hands rubbing on his shoulders. They were better off without him...

High heels clicking against the ground were heard coming closer and closer. It was what brought him out of his thoughts and for a moment, he hoped as he turned around to meet a pair of emerald lakes looking back at him. Yet his shoulders soon dropped at the sight of a pair of grey ones instead.

''What is this mess?'', a high pinched voice questioned, as she took in the sight of his office. He let out a sigh and hung his head low.

''What do you want, Sophia?''

A small seductive smile begun to form from the corners of her lips. ''My, Arthur, you should have known by now.''

He glared her way. ''Leave, you've done enough.''

She smirked and took a few steps closer, her round hips were swaying along. Arthur drifted his gaze off her and lightly cursed. _That was the last thing he wished for, her in his office..._

''I'm nowhere near done, my dear.'', she suddenly was standing beside him, her hot breath tickling his ear. ''I intend to-'', her words were caught off by his hand on her pale neck. She only smiled more wildly to his dismay, a pearled set of teeth was flashing his way.

''I will say it one final time: fucking leave!'', he demanded, giving her a slightly push backwards.

She looked shocked and flushed, yet she quickly adjusted herself, rubbing her palms alongside her skirt. ''My, my, I love it when you're rough!''

Arthur growled. ''What the fuck do you want from me?!''

''You.'', the respond was direct, not even a second later.

''I'm married!'', he yelled, which only served in widening her grin.

''Oh, so you weren't married when you joined my bed that night?'', her fox-like features were glowing under the pale light of his office lamp.

He exhaled a breath of exhaustion and rubbed his temples even more. ''That was-''

''A mistake? Really? As were all the other times as well?'', she huffed and ran a cold finger over his exposed neckline. ''Come now, Arthur... We both know it wasn't... It never was...'', she bend her head down to his left ear and touched it with her warm tongue, giving it a lick. A low growl could be heard from deep inside his chest, where her soft hands were running all over.

''I love my wife...'', it was nothing more than a breath, a whisper, something holy and forbidden. His wife's name should not be named in times like these, in times he found himself weak in the hands of another woman. In times when he hated himself more than ever...

''You do, my dear...'', she breathed, leaving light red kisses along his jawline. ''But she clearly doesn't... You said yourself, you fear that she will leave you one day... And you don't deserve this...''

''She...'', he breathed, blinking. She would leave him one day, he knew it. She wished for things he himself could provide her with... She was strong... Stronger than he was... She would leave him...

''You know what to do, love.'', she whispered one more time, before leaning down to kiss him.

_Did he?_

* * *

* * *

It was sometime after 10 pm when he pulled up in front of his home. Home. A strange word, about to belong to the past. With heavy steps, he walked up the door and twisted the key, opening it. With some luck, Morgana would be sleeping, giving him more time to prepare himself for what he was about to say. _Yeah, just some more time is all I need... Then everything will be so much easier..._

Yet luck was long gone from his side...

When he let his suitcase hitting lightly the wooden floor of the hall, the light at the kitchen lit up, revealing his beautiful wife, a pale ghost of herself. He wrinkled his nose, taking in the heavy smell of vodka. Morgana was never one to drink, not without reason at least. And from the looks of it, her form pale and weak, with dark circles around her eyes and a messy bun over her head, he knew, oh God, he knew...

He had so fucked up...

Once her pale green lakes landed on him, he gulped the invisible lump in his throat. ''I've been waiting for you to come... home.'''

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry for the long wait, I had my entry examinations to take the next step in life: be in university and life has been really hectic for the last month, to say the least. So, I thought that a long chapter would be enough to make up for lost time. I hope you liked it and sorry for making Arthur this way! You're all going to hate him in this fic, no spoilers intended! Hope you are all well! <3


	5. Chapter 5

**_And you can tear it up  
Oh, no one tears it up like you  
Oh, you can rip it up  
Oh, I can rip it up like you_ **

_Once her pale green lakes landed on him, he gulped the invisible lump in his throat. ''I've been waiting for you to come... home.''_

He swallowed an invisible knot in his throat. The sight of her was... painful. The last time he had seen her like this was when they had lost a baby, their second boy, before Igraine came around. Then, Morgana would cry everyday for their loss, the loss of a baby boy that was slowly starting to form inside her belly, about five months old. And then, when they got pregnant again with their beautiful girl, that moment when Morgana would snuggle against his chest and play with his hair there and whisper fears and nightmares and all the awful things, he would kiss her hair and her fingertips and her growing belly and promise that everything would be okay. They would have their little family of four, at last. And they would be happy.

_He had backed up on that promise, he so damn knew that..._

''Are you drunk?'', the answer was obvious and she laughed, a cracked little hurtful laugh.

''I don't think that should concern you, my dear... husband. And I'm sure that this is not how you start a conversation with your flings.''

He frowned. ''What do you-''

''Mean?'', she laughed again, this time louder. He stood still, waiting for her breaths to become steady once again, for her to look at him. And when she did, he regretted that wish. Her eyes on him, those pale emerald lakes had become little pools of pain in a matter of seconds. He felt his heart beating slower, so much slower... ''Was I ever more than a steady fling for you, Arthur? More than the mother of your children? More than a... friend?''

He swallowed once again and this time it was much more hurtful. ''Of course you were.'', his voice was low, no more than a whisper. He feared it would crack and break and he would find himself on his feet, begging for her to take him back, to forgive him. And that was not his purpose...

She tried to smile. ''I hate it when I'm not prepared for the worse. You taught me that, to lay my guard down and live, remember? To not have any expectations, to smile, to laugh, to love. I never knew it would backfire this way...''

He sighed. ''Morgana...'', he wanted to talk, to tell her that he loved her and still did. That every little thing he taught her, was for him too. He learned to smile, to laugh, to love with all his heart for her, with her. She was... will always be his greatest love, his greatest joy, his dearest... woman. The dearest woman of his life.

His lips refused to speak more than her name.

''I want to hate you.'', his heart twisted with every word. And the worse was yet to come. ''I really do. But I can't. I can't hate you when you have offered me the greatest joys of my life, our children. The children I'm sure you love, deep in your heart.''

He did, Oh, he did. He had missed so much from their lives. Their birthdays, holidays, first game, first word, first anything. He had missed most of Igraine's life and he hated himself for this. He had denied so many things to his son, the little man who looked up to him as if he was a God. At nights, when he would lie with his eyes open and think, that image of his son's blue teary eyes would haunt him. He could have been so much better... They didn't deserve such a father... And he didn't deserve them.

''Morgana, I...'', he found it difficult to voice his thoughts, to say what was going on through his mind. He feared the future and what it held for him more than ever before. It was about to end, he knew that. Morgana was silent, the one thing he thanked her for. She knew him, she knew his struggle with the words and none of them wanted him to turn it into a business deal. Their love for the last years hadn't been more than a business deal, truth be told. She deserved a fitting closure for the love and gifts she had given him. ''I am sorry for what I've put you through. For how I've treated you and our children. I...'', he found it so hard to breath. He leaned against the wall and cleared his throat. She looked at him with hurt. She was broken, and he knew he had broken her.

_Oh babe, you broke me first..._

''I think it's the best for us to sign for a divorce.''

There he went, he said it. Now his chest could move lighter, his breaths should have been easier. Then why was it so damn difficult? Why the choked sound that left her lips, the tears that stained her perfect pale cheeks, those trembling hands made him want to run to her and hug her and hide her and plead for her?

Sophia was right. His father was so damn right.

_He was weak..._

''You... you don't mean that...'', he saw her touching her chest and pulling her shirt away from her neck and then it triggered him. He ran and brought her some water. His hands were light on her back as he helped her drink from the glass. He felt his heart beating faster at her sight. He hated it whenever she would get those panic attacks. The good thing was that this time, unlike this morning, she had accepted his presence this close to her.

He moved reluctantly away from her and gave her a few moments to calm down. A million of scenarios ran through his mind as he watched her breath steadily, in and out. In each breath, he felt his time ticking away. In each breath, his time with her was ending. In each breath, his hand burned stronger where he touched her back and soft messy hair. He ran a hand over his face and through his hair while looking around him. In each breath, his time in their home was ending.

After a while, he spoke again. ''Please, my love, calm down. The children might hear us and they will be scared if they see you like this.''

At his words, a flaming glare was thrown his way. ''Do you think I'm such of a reckless mother?'', she huffed when he shook his head no, not even a second later. ''They're at Freya and Merlin's. She apparently got to know what happened this morning and offered to take care of them for today.''

He felt lighter knowing this. Them at home would be a disaster. Especially knowing her. She was a living bomb, ready to explode. He was just waiting for it to happen.

At her silence, he found the opportunity to explain himself. ''I can't tell you how sorry I am. But I think it's time we give up. We've drifted apart, we-''

''No, Arthur.'', her voice was hoarse and low, sending a chill down his spine. ''You've drifted apart. You were the one who never showed up on anything your children did, not even on their birthdays! I was the one who had to explain and make up excuses each time they and everyone else asked me why you were absent! You were the one who came into our bed with nail scars on his back and chest and pretend like nothing was wrong! I was the one to ignore it and force myself to imagine it!'', she stood up in unsteady feet, with blazing eyes targeted right on him. ''You were the one to refuse me some air, to let me find some work, to feel important once again! You were the one who cheated, over and over again, while I was here, pretending and breaking because you clearly don't fucking care anymore about our family!''

He gulped, once, twice. Her words stung but what hurt more was her teary eyes and her trembling hands. She never let those tears run down her face, as unsteady and weak as she felt, she tried to stand her ground and voice her thoughts.

Morgana was weak when she was crying, yet she was shattered when she did not.

He closed his eyes and took a few breaths. ''I'm sorry.''

''Sorry!'', she huffed. ''You're sorry! Of course! After all these years, you think apologizing would fix everything?''

''No...'', he whispered and he believed it. Nothing could fix it. Yet she hadn't heard his side of the story. ''It won't fix all those nights you refused my touch. All those times you showed me how much better you were as a parent. It won't fix your ungratefulness, your want to get away from me!'', he almost screamed those last words, causing her to startle.

''What did you say?'', she asked as he ran his hands through his hair.

''I get it, Morgana, you're not happy! I'm not happy either, so why delay it any longer? Our children are not happy either!''

''They aren't because they miss their father.''

''And I miss my wife! I miss my family, damn it!'', he screamed, throwing a glass on the floor, causing her to jump. His eyes opened wide at the sight of her fearing and he lowered his head in frustration.

A few silent moments passed, the only sound was their shallow breaths.

''You're selfish, Arthur. And you only see half light.'', her tone was softer now, yet painful all the same. ''Look at me for once!'', she felt frustrated and tired and all the feelings her husband wasn't supposed to make her feel.

She touched his arm and in a moment of pure despair, he found himself trapping her between himself and the table. He saw her pupils dilate, her breath becoming much shallower, her lips parting. He wanted to kiss her and claim her and forget everything that had happened between them. Her hand was still tightly wrapped around his arm, her nails almost tearing his skin. He looked over his soon-to-be-ex-wife's beautiful face. She had changed, the sorrow and tears and anger and all the things that he had caused her were still evident on her.

He began to slowly lean towards her, a goodbye kiss maybe. But he soon felt her pushing him away and as he withdraw, he caught her starring at something on his neck intensely. He quickly pulled away, feeling the guilt digging holes in his stomach.

His blue orbs began to turn dangerously dark and watery. _He wouldn't fucking cry_. ''I want a divorce, Morgana.''. Her silence was supposed to be welcomed, yet he couldn't ignore the bitter taste it left. He moved towards the door with heavy steps. He stopped at the door-frame, feeling his chest hurting. He barely looked at her over his shoulder. He tried to focus on something else and blur her sight out of his mind. ''I'll come over tomorrow with the divorce papers. Goodnight.''

She didn't speak, not a single word. He felt that invisible string that united them slowly ripping apart his heart with each step he took. Once he closed the door, he heard a loud sound like something breaking.

He didn't turn around. She didn't run after him. He hated her so much at this very moment...

It was strange to think how one person could turn from the greatest joy of your life to the most heartbreaking experience.

He was done. It was better this way. _His father would agree._

* * *

* * *

The next morning was... rough. For both of them. Morgana had to clean the house after breaking most of their glasses in her rage and despair. She also had to pull herself together. A raging headache and a sore body-after having pass out on his side of the bed- were making it so difficult for her to focus on her tasks. She also had to stop by Freya's home and thank her and take her kids to school. All this in a matter of half an hour.

As she slowly pulled over her house, she rushed to the door. Not even a minute passed, before the door opened and Freya's beautiful face appeared behind it. A smile, a tiny forced one, slowly formed on her lips. She was seconds before breaking down in her sister-in-law's embrace.

''Come here, sweetheart.'', Freya's voice was calm and soothing. She soon found herself in her arms, trying to fight back her tears. The shorter woman's brown eyes turned watery. ''It's alright, cry my love. The kids won't see you, Merlin dropped them off to school.'', she assured her and then the next minute, her sobs began to sound, louder and louder with every passing second.

She closed her eyes and when she opened them after a few moments, she found herself sitting on the couch, with Freya's arms still tightly wrapped around her trembling body.

''Why?'', she cried. ''I don't fucking deserve this, Freya! What did I do for him to treat me this way? I...My children don't deserve this!'', she choked on her tears as the kind woman rocked her in her arms.

''I know, love. I know.'', she would whisper and it was the truth. Morgana was one of the strongest women she knew and her crying in her arms triggered that feeling of raging hate towards her brother-in-law. She had confronted her own husband the night before, blaming him for their state. Merlin felt guilty for what had happened and was mumbling ways of how he had the chance to fix it, yet when he told her the true reason behind his brother's behavior, she felt hot rage burning through her. If it wasn't for her niece and nephew, she would have stormed over their place and knock some sense in his stupid head.

And yet, in her guts, she knew. Arthur Pendragon was a damaged man and he had damaged his own family too.

And she certainly knew who was to blame for all this.

After a while, Morgana's shaking form began to slowly calm down. Once Freya felt she was allowed to talk, she slowly pulled away to look at her.

''Come, let's get your pretty face cleaned.'', with soft hands and steady steps, she led her to the bathroom, where she helped her wash her tear-stained face.

After about half an hour, they were both sitting at the kitchen and sipping on some hot coffee. Freya offered her some homemade cookies. _''Your children are such promising bakers''_ , she had said and a smile slowly formed on her face at the sight of Morgana's lips turning upwards. She stayed silent, wishing to give her space and peace, until she felt ready to speak again.

The coffee had almost turned cold when her voice was once again heard, hoarse and rough. ''What should I do?''

''What do you want to do?''

She saw her struggling to voice an answer. What did she want? She wanted her family back. She wanted her husband, her children happy. It would break them if they got a divorce. She couldn't imagine her life without him, even after everything he had forced her to endure all these years, all the loneliness and sadness and guilt. ''I want my happiness back.''

''Do you think he can give you that?''

Could he? He... they had failed the first time. Could they fix... them? Was there anything left to be fixed at all? Was it possible that he was really done? That he... didn't love her? The thought was truly so painful. ''I... I don't know...''

Freya smiled. Her hands were warm against Morgana's when she closed them in her own. ''I think you know. Your children deserve the best and... men are stupid. But he loves you, I know he does.''

She shook her head no and pulled away. ''No, no! He... he was there, with another woman in his arms... he...'', he eyes began to turn watery again and when her emerald eyes landed on her soft brown orbs, Freya knew that she was on the verge of breaking down again. ''He hasn't touch me in two years, Freya!''

Freya sighed. ''Men are stupid, as I said. And Arthur, he's the foolest of them all.'', she touched her hands once again, this time with a firmer hold. ''Make him regret it, Morgana. Show him what he will loose if he looses you.''

The green-eyed woman nibbled on her lip. Was it worth it? Her children were worth it. Her beautiful little girl was worth it. Her soft-hearted son was worth it. They were so worth it.

Before she was to walk out that door, she would have made her choice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Arthur is stupid, we can all agree on that. It wasn't my intention to stop it there, but the chapter would turn out too long. I believe in the next days the next part will follow.
> 
> Take care you all, I love you!
> 
> PS. You're free to roast him to no end hahaha


	6. Chapter 6

_**Pray to God with my arms open** _   
_**If this is it, then I feel hopeless** _   
_**And I wish I could help** _   
_**But it's hard when I hate myself** _

The following evening, their kitchen was filled with delicious smells of foods and sweets. It was one of her new habits, to use cooking as a form of distraction. She needed that, now more than ever. Her heart felt heavy each time her children laughed and talked about their day at school. _If things didn't work as planned, how could she look at them when-_

Sometime before the meal was ready, she asked them to go clean their hands and, only then, she took a moment to collect her thoughts. She wouldn't tell them anything, not yet. There was hope. Maybe... maybe Arthur was just too blinded. Maybe today was a new day.

Once she set the table for the three of them, three plates full of beef and rice along with smashed potatoes to the side for each one, they all sat down and prayed. While, though, she and Ig did their usual pray, Mordred kept his hands joined and murmured a few more words she failed to hear.

''Sweetheart, may I ask what else you're praying for?'', she took a taste from her plate and smiled a mischievous smile. ''May it be for a girl...?''

Her son look troubled and too silent all of a sudden. ''Actually, I was praying for our family to be whole again...''

Morgana felt her blood froze in an instant. Her son's words left a sour taste in her tongue while her need to show him that everything was more than okay was exhausting her to no end. She took a few deep breaths and forced a warm smile on her features. ''My love, I-''

''What are you talking about, Mord? We're a happy family! Dad's just busy and Mommy's a little sad.'', her sweet girl exclaimed before she had the chance to speak. Ig's bright green eyes landed on her with a happy glint. ''Mom, Uncle said that he'll get us a boy puppy for Christmas, for Mord's birthday! What should we name him?''

Morgana let a soft breath pass her lips and smiled. _Sometimes life seemed so much easier with her daughter by her side._

Half an hour later and while they all had their dessert, a piece of chocolate cake with a ball of vanilla ice cream on top, Morgana was washing the plates and humming a soft sound. Silent footsteps and the feeling of a pair of hands tightly wrapped around her waist forced her to stop her movements. Startled, she looked at the tiny hands of her little man and saw his fists grabbing the end of her blouse. As she moved to wipe out her hands, something wet touched her blouse against her waist. _She already knew what it was._

''Oh, babe.'', her voice was soft and calming, what Mordred needed the most at the moment. It was easy to understand that the previous night, Freya had probably argued with Merlin about what happened and his non-existent actions to prevent it. And knowing her son and his ability to sense when something is wrong, she knew that it was a matter of time before he would come to talk to her about it. She hated herself at the moment, for her inability to shield her children from any pain and sorrow. She should have been more prepared about this, she should had hugged him yesterday, when he asked her if she was alright on their way home. She should have told him that everything was okay, rather than nod away his worries and push herself to not look him in the eyes, a silly try to prevent him from seeing her red eyes.

She should have been a better mother. Her children, her intelligent, beautiful children deserved better than what both Arthur and her were offering them.

Each tear that wetted her neck and each sob that sent vibrations down her spine and a piercing pain deep in her heart, all they did was reminding her that.

_My love, how I wish to hate you for all of this... How I wish to hate you, just like I hate myself..._

''It's alright, my dear boy. It's alright, mummy is here. I love you. Both you and your sister.''

She thought she did a good job in soothing him. She wished she did. His next words, though, crushed what little was left of her heart intact. ''Does dad, though? Does he love us all?''

She stayed silent for a few moments. _Of course he did_ , she should have said without hesitation. He loved us all, with all his heart. _Did he, though?_ Did he love his children, who he kept offering them his absence in their lives? Did he love his wife, who he kept neglecting, over and over again? Did he love them at all? Did he ever love... her?

When Mordred raised his face from her neck and looked up to her with confused teary blue eyes, she smiled.

''Of course he does, my love.'', and she was telling the truth. She knew that. ''He loves you so much.''

_''Babe, come to bed. You should rest.''_

_''I will, my love. Just a few more minutes and I'll be done for today.''_

_A kiss on her pregnant belly. A smile on his lips._

''So much that he had dreams of our happy family since the moment we learnt that we would soon start one. He would work every day and every night for us to have a better future. To be able to offer _you_ a better future.''

_''Congratulations, Mr. Pendragon. You have a healthy son.''_

_A cry of life. Tears of happiness._

''He cried when you entered this world. And he cried when your sister was born. He would rock you in his arms and sing you a lullaby. Kiss your head and tuck you in every night.''

_''How many kids would you want us to have, my love?''_

_''I'd like a family of five. I think three little kids, running around, causing trouble, would be perfect. What do you think, Gana?''_

_Moments full of laughter. Moments full of love._

''He wanted us to be a big happy family.''

Yet Mordred's eyes did not lose their confused light. ''Does he love you, mum?''

She swallowed.

_''I'll always love you.''_

_''And I miss my wife! I miss my family, damn it!''_

_''I think it's time we give up.''_

_''I want a divorce, Morgana.''_

''He does.'', was her answer.

Because she believed that, deep in his heart, her place was still there. A tiny bit of herself and his love for her still existed there.

Because she needed to believe that. She needed that small ray of hope so she could face him later that night.

Because she loved him still and still dreamed of their happy family of five.

* * *

* * *

The night came quicker than Arthur expected. The lights of the tall building were slowly going down as the hour passed and the people, happy and tired people, were going back to their homes.

He was still in his office when the door opened without his permission, his head lowered and his face hidden behind his palms. Running a tired hand over his features, he closed his eyes and waited for his father's voice, as he neared him with familiar footsteps.

''Here's your future, son.'', Uther voiced, always a man of few harsh words.

Something was thrown on his desk. A thump was heard and then a feeling of soft air hit his hands. The blond man kept his eyes closed, wishing to not open them again. He knew his future and he feared it like nothing he ever feared before.

''Open your eyes. That's not the man I raised.''

_But you did not raise me, father_ , he wanted to tell him but he bit his tongue before he could.

Slowly, he straightened his back and looked his father in the eyes. Tired lifeless skies to iced deadly oceans. A shiver ran down his spine when his father smirked.

_''You have the warmest eyes I've ever seen.''_ , she once told him.

His father didn't.

''I hope you understand that this is for the best.''

_Was it? Why did he feel so hollow, then?_

The young Pendragon nodded. ''I do.'', a hoarse sound, a forced one. He did. His children would be happier. His wif- Morgana would be happier.

Uther took a few steps closer to him. He placed his hand on his right shoulder when he stood behind him. ''You should have seen it from the start, son. You were never meant to be with her.''. Arthur didn't look his way, didn't utter a word. Perhaps, he wasn't even breathing. His eyes fell on the folder in front of him. He bit the inside of his cheek when he read the title on top. His father's hand felt heavy on him. His presence behind his back was causing a hard feeling on the top of his stomach, beneath his lungs. The walls were getting closer and closer. And there he was, fighting to keep his breaths steady. He fought to not shove _his_ hand away from him.

A sudden knock was heard and then a message sound from his phone. He reached out to grab it upon the sight of the familiar name flashing on the screen, shaking his father's hand off his shoulder with his movement.

Uther didn't speak.

Arthur held his breath.

_The kids are ready. Merlin offered to pick them up when you'd be finished. See you._

A sharp breath left his lips when the door opened and his brother entered his office. His cold blue eyes softened once they landed on the folder on his desk and they hardened again when they met his father's.

If it wasn't for him, Merlin would never step foot in this firm. Uther would make sure of that and he knew it. The feelings were mutual and for the first time, he saw Merlin look at a person with cold indifferent eyes. Well, that was years ago and Uther was the first person to have the honor of Merlin's indifference. Arthur, since that morning, was honored to be the second. _And he hated it._

''Morgana texted me. I offered to pick the kids up since I'll drive you home.''

Arthur frowned only for a second. Then, he understood. Merlin wanted his time to decide on how to confront him. And he had just done.

Uther snorted, yet uttered no word. He drew his cigarettes out of his suit pockets and lit one. Arthur watched his hand as he let out a breath of smoke and then his gaze fell on his own.

_His hand would soon look as bare as his father's._

The thought pulled a sensitive string deep in his heart.

''Remember, Arthur. This is for your own good.'', Uther's words were cold and emotionless. It made him wonder if he was talking to himself. ''Sophia told me she'll be back tomorrow to sign the contract between our firms. It's about time, really... Be sure to be here and then take her somewhere fancy.''. Merlin bit his lips on the sound of her name but held his voice. Arthur was grateful for that. Uther didn't wait for any response as he moved out of his office.

Once the sound of his footsteps faded, Merlin arched his eyebrow in a mocking way. The blond man knew what was about to happen. ''So you were trying to seal a deal.'', the tall man scoffed. ''I'm sorry. I thought she was also warming your bed.''. His tone was sharp and cold, nothing like the Merlin he knew.

He sighed and got up. Ignoring him was the best thing to do. For the moment. ''Let's go. I've missed my kids, I haven't seen them in almost two days.''. Arthur managed to keep his voice steady, even though he had a hard time trying to calm his breaths and heartbeat. He grabbed the folder with his jacket covering his hand – a silly attempt to not touch it with his bare hand, as if it would burn him, and then passed his brother to his way out. He didn't look his way. His eyes were focused on an invisible spot that was leading him to Merlin's car.

_If he had looked his way, he would have seen his brother look at him with soft eyes, full of pity and love._

The drive to his _(would still be his after tonight though?)_ house was filled with silence. Well, except the sound of their breaths and Merlin's habit of tapping his fingers on the steering wheel. While he would usually sigh his irritation and hiss his way to stop it, this time he enjoyed the comfort it provided, as much as he hated it still. The sweet comfort of silence. The perfect time to think of what he was about to do one more time. _Just perfect_. He knew, though, that it was not meant to last for long.

''I should have stopped this. Freya is right, it's my fault. I shouldn't have stood by your side and wait for this bullshit to stop.''. Arthur sighed and looked out his window. _I shouldn't have done anything of this in the first place_ , he wanted to voice but it was a common fact anyway. No use in saying it. Merlin turned for the slightest of second towards him, his gaze was burning his entire body. ''I wonder what that woman gives you that Morgana couldn't.''

His eyes fell once again on the folder covered by his jacket on his lap. _She recognizes the bastard I am._ His Morgana, she never did it. She always stood by his side, never once acknowledging the monster his father had put in him since his birth. The monster, that damned blood, he himself feared if Mordred would inherit it when he learnt he would have a son. Morgana had told him then that he would never be his father.

_Oh, babe, I'm much worse._

Merlin sighed and shook his head. ''You're doing a terrible mistake, Arthur. One you will soon regret. Your wife loves you, your children adore you. Every couple has its ups and downs.'', he swallowed, wishing for his next words to be true. ''If you try hard enough, then I'm sure she'll forgive you. You'll be happy once again.''

Arthur scoffed. Morgana was a kind woman, the best he could ever have, yet she respected herself more than she loved him. _She would never take him back._ ''We'll be happy, Merlin. Sometimes, when something is broken, it's better to leave it as it is rather that try to fix it.''

His brother hit his hand against the steering wheel, taking him by surprise. ''Are you fucking mad? What has your father done to you? He's the one who pushed Sophia towards you, isn't he? He's the one who's trying to force you turn your back on your family, because he's a bastard, an evil man who-''

''Don't talk for my father like this! You don't fucking know him! Your father isn't better than he is!'', Arthur's outburst was sudden and his words forced a gasp out of his brother's lips.

He narrowed his eyes at him, while Arthur swallowed and looked away. ''Balinor would never cheat on his wife, beat her in front of his son and then degrade and humiliate her in front of his whores. Balinor might be a lot of things, but he raised us, both me and you, the best he could.''. He took a deep breath, trying to calm his breaths down. He knew that Arthur never had a filter when it came to his temper, yet he expected him to show some respect to the man who took him in and raised him as his own. Never once, neither of them, felt like he loved one more than the other. As much as he loved him, as his flesh and blood, he loved Arthur alike. He proudly called them his sons, both of them and he had helped Arthur fight his battle with his bad alcohol habits in his late teens. He had stood by him like a real father, more like Uther ever would.

''I know you don't mean that.'', he started when he parked in front of his house. ''But, for the love of God, try to think with your heart once. Uther never loved mum, or anybody else, for that matter. You would be a fool to follow to his footsteps.''

Arthur stayed silent for a few moments, deciding that it was for the best. That damn folder felt as heavy as anything else in his lap. The clock was ticking away. The house was a matter of few steps away. Inside, there waited for them his family. The family Morgana and him had built together. His son and daughter would wait with her, to greet and hug their father. Their terrible father who never missed a chance to cause their mother pain. Their terrible father who was facing them with his back the last several years. Their terrible father who was coming home, time and time again, half-drunk, stinking of cigarettes and nail-marks on his body from another woman- one who was not their beautiful, loyal mother. His father was always right, it seemed. He had warned him of this. Morgana would want better than what he gave her – her wanting to start a job of her own was proof of that, as if he wasn't giving her enough already. And he, he would become the very monster of his childhood: _his own father_.

With a sudden move, he opened the door and left the car with determined steps. He would put an end to their misery. _For once, he would be stronger than her._ He knocked the door and waited there, holding his breath. A sweet small voice was heard shouting 'daddy' and then the door opened, just when Merlin stood beside him. His little girl stood behind the door, giggling, smiling at her Uncle and calling her father to raise her in his arms. The folder was forgotten, even though in his hands. Laughing at her cute sight, he embraced her and put her against his chest. ''How's my little beautiful girl?''

She giggled some more, hiding her face in the crook of his neck. ''Fine! Mommy's coming, Mordred wasn't feeling well and she's trying to make him feel better.''

Her father frowned and felt Merlin stiffen by his side. ''Is he sick?''

''No, he's fine now. Just a little stressed with school.''

He looked up the stairs, dark blue eyes met pale emerald lakes. She was walking down the stairs with their boy in her arms, his little face hidden in her neck. A hand was rubbing his back and he looked like he was about to fall asleep. The sight lifted the corners of his lips, yet they soon fell once he remembered their harsh reality.

''Is he sleeping, mommy?'', Ig rubbed her face against her father's neck, signalling her tiredness.

''No, sweetheart, he's just relaxing.'', her mother replied with a soft voice. She stood a few steps away, smiling at her brother-in-law and then to him. ''They won't be much trouble. They didn't take a nap all day, so they will fall asleep in no time.''

Merlin gave her a soft reassuring smile. ''Don't worry, they're never any trouble. I'm sure they'll wake up once they learn that Aunt Freya has made pizzas for our movie night.''

In an instant, both kids looked his way and smiled brightly. ''Pizza?'', they voiced in unison, causing all three of them to laugh at their excitement.

''Four of them.'', he replied, holding out four fingers for emphasis.

Ig raised her hands high and then closed them around her dad's neck, filling his cheek with many kisses. He closed his eyes, laughing and enjoying her attention. _When was the last time he was like this with his flesh and blood?_ His gaze then fell on his son, who was watching him with hesitant blue eyes – so alike to his own. He smiled his way, a warm one for his pride and joy. He could sense that there were things he wanted to say, yet he was holding himself back from doing so. Perhaps, Morgana knew what was on his mind. She always did. ''I hope you're alright, my son. You know that I'm always here for you.''

He stayed silent for a few seconds – just for two breaths time. ''I will, dad.''. It sounded like a challenge for both of them. He noticed his hands tightening only for a moment around his mother's neck. He didn't know if he was talking about his well-being or if it was an answer to his last words, but something told him that it was both.

Soon Merlin was leading the way to his car, with both parents following him with their children in their arms. It was an odd sight, for two people who were about to discuss the whens and hows of their divorce. It seemed, though, that they had made a silent agreement to offer their children a final family moment and for that, Arthur was grateful. _It was a memory to hold in cold merciless moments, when he would regret his every decision that led to this..._

''Come on, kids, lets leave those two lovebirds alone for the night.'', Merlin said, opening the back-doors of his car for them to enter. Both of them stiffened and stole a glance from each other. He only smirked and extended his hands to take Ig in them.

Before going to her Uncle's arms, Ig turned towards her dad. ''Take care of mum, daddy. I love you!'', she exclaimed and gave a sloppy kiss to his cheek. His laugh covered his discomfort. When she tried to kiss her mum, their bodies touched. The side of her breasts brushed against his forearm and he fought a great inner battle to not blush.

_Who would have thought that all it would take for the great, ruthless business-man, Arthur Pendragon, to blush was to accidentally touch his soon-to-be-ex-wife's clothed breasts..._ He was laughable, the least, and he knew it...

When Mordred moved to kiss him, his kiss was cold and awkward. He frowned only for a moment, yet kept his voice deep in his chest. Mordred and him had lost their close their relationship years ago. He couldn't blame him, really... It was all his fault.

When Merlin's car was just a faded echo in the wind, he hesitantly turned to Morgana. He had noticed her flinch when she had touched his jacket and the folder. She knew what it was about and she was clearly trying to prepare herself.

''Shall we get inside?'', he asked softly. Her raven hair were moving with the cold winter breeze, almost clouding her beautiful pale face. _Was she always so pale?_

She tried not to look at him. Instead, she nodded and uttered a faint ''of course'' while leading the way in. Once they were in the warm safety of their kitchen, she moved to grab a plate. ''You must be hungry. Let me serve you some food and then we can-''

His hand was warm when he touched her own. She stopped her voice and looked at him with almost widen eyes. He dropped the folder on the kitchen table and she noticed that he too flinched once it made a sound on its land. Or maybe, she was now hallucinating too.... ''I'm not hungry.'', his voice was deep and hoarse and smelled of cigarettes and... was it whiskey? It wasn't that late yet, but it didn't really surprise her. Arthur's most famous coping mechanism was a bottle of some fancy liquor. It still saddened her all the same, though. Was she really that blind to her husband's pain all this time? Why didn't she ever try to help him? Wasn't she enough? Was he better off without her?

His eyes moved from her own to her lips and then back up. He swallowed an invisible lump and then slowly let her hand – her soft hand, go. He moved to sit and then gestured her to do the same. It pained him to see her fold her arms over her chest and keep her distance, but he couldn't blame her. He wasn't drunk – not even half-drunk. Yet, he was fighting an inner battle since the moment she walked into his office. It might was a bit longer than that – were four years long enough? - but still, the battle was getting worse and worse. Losing was never in his agenda and whenever it happened, he would find some comfort in alcohol – a habit of old times coming back four years ago. One could only imagine where that could lead in a moment like this. And Morgana was that person.

''I-um...'', he tried to speak yet his throat felt so dry out of the sudden. ''Here are the divorce papers. You can read them, check if everything is up to your likes or if you wish for any change. We can sure discuss anything you'd like to change.''

Silence. He licked his lips.

''70% of my income will be dedicated to our children and you. You won't have to work, ever. Anything you need, every need of yours, Mordred and Ig's will be covered from it. You will keep the house, of course, as they deserve a stable environment to grow up and feel safe. And you... It was my gift to you for our son anyway.''

Silence. He bit the inside of his cheek.

''I'm thinking of taking the kids at the weekends -at least, if this is alright with you. I probably won't be able to take them on holidays, of course, due to my hectic program, but we can manage something. I can also take them out for lunch on some days after school. You're, of course, free to come to all of them. It... it would be good to show them that even though we're divorced, we're still a family.''

Silence. He swallowed, hard.

''It might be too much to ask, but I'd like for you to stay here, rather than move back to Ireland. It will help me keep contact with them and maybe even better my relationship with them. Well... mostly with Mordred... If you want any help, I can always hire a babysitter or get you a bigger house or anything you'd like. I... I'll see to it so I can buy a house in this neighborhood. This way I'll be close, should you need anything.''

Silence. His nails dug holes in his palms.

''I slept at my mother's last night. I- She and Balinor are at your parents' as you might know. So I used the spare key I have to sleep there.''

Silence. He sighed and ran a hand over his head. Why did he tell her this? Why should it be his concern if she thought that he slept at Sophia's?

He looked at her, his eyes red and tired. ''Are you listening, Morgana?''

A few moments passed. His temper was beginning to rise as her steady breaths was the only thing heard in the room. ''I do.'', was her answer, at last.

''Then say something.'', he sounded desperate and he might as well was, he didn't care. He couldn't stand this... indifference. This emotionless gaze she had cast over him. ''Anything.''

_Was he begging?_ , she wondered. _Of course not, Arthur never begs. He takes._ ''I refuse.''. Her voice was eerily soft and warm and anything that it shouldn't be and it caught him completely by surprise.

With wide eyes and a gaped mouth, his voice sounded from somewhere deep in his chest. ''What do you mean refuse?''

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I LIIIIIIIVE *screams in Mushu voice*  
> Ehem... Soooo, I know, I'm a terrible person and I know my readers probably hate me for leaving them like this for... more than fifteen days (sounds better than two months!) and I know that leaving you all with another hang-cliff will be a good reason for you to stop reading my stories... BUT I've got good news! Half of the next chapter is done already and within the next days ( for real this time, I promise!) will be all yours!
> 
> How does that sound? *smiles widely, forming a halo above her head*


	7. Chapter 7

**_Secrets I have held in my heart  
Are harder to hide than I thought  
Maybe I just wanna be yours_ **

_'_ _'Then say something.'', he sounded desperate and he might as well was, he didn't care. He couldn't stand this... indifference. This emotionless gaze she had cast over him. ''Anything.''_

_**Was he begging?** , she wondered. **Of course not, Arthur never begs. He takes.** ''I refuse.''. Her voice was eerily soft and warm and anything that it shouldn't be and it caught him completely by surprise._

_With wide eyes and a gaped mouth, his voice sounded from somewhere deep in his chest. ''What do you mean refuse?''._

In her silence, he ran a frustrated hand over his hair. ''You can't just refuse, Morgana. We're toxic. Hell, we're probably worse than that! I've fucking hurt you!'', her warm gaze never once changed, while his filled with more and more despair. _She couldn't possible..._ ''You can't take me back after this.'', he breathed.

Morgana smiled. ''Do you love our family, Arthur?''

''More than anything.'', he didn't blink.

''Do you love your children?''

''I'd die for them.'', his heartbeat was unusually steady.

''Would you want them to be happy?''

''All their lives.'', his eyes were clean and bright.

Morgana bit her lip and lowered her head. ''Mordred probably heard Freya and Merlin talking yesterday. He knows that something is wrong between us. He-he cried.'', her voice was unsteady as she tried to explain. Arthur could sense her difficulty to maintain her calmness.

He sighed and rubbed his temple. He knew that his son wanted more than what he gave him, but for an eight-year-old to sense that something is going on? For a moment he was back in a big house, hidden under a wooden table, hearing screams and all the things a child his age shouldn't. His mother, a petite small woman, was pushed down on the floor and facing him, whispering for him to run to his room. His father had his back on them, a bottle full of something orange in his hand, oblivious to his mother's pain and his fear. He suddenly flinched when he heard his wife sniffing, a sound so similar to what his mother made behind closed bathroom doors. His first instinct was to hug her and rub his nose against her neck and fill her soft hair with kisses. Her red eyes, though, had him frozen in his place.

''I really want to try, Arthur. I do.'', she started, trying to steady her shaky breaths. Her arms were trembling and she was gripping the kitchen counter like her life depended on it, her knuckles turned white. ''I feel like I owe this to them. But I can't do it by myself, not again. I know I've hurt you too and I'm sorry, I'm so sor-'', her words were cut off by her breaking down in sobs.

In an instant, he was beside her, closing her in his arms, rubbing her back and inhaling in her soothing perfume. Her tears were soon soaking his white shirt, but he didn't care. Hell, he would do anything for her to stop crying, to be happy, smiling again. Her arms were wrapped tightly around his waist, her fingertips digging holes in his back, her sobs muffled against his chest and his heart was in so, so much pain. She kept mumbling that she was sorry and he wanted to scream that it was never her fault, that it was all his, that he shouldn't have done this to her in the first place. He decided, though, that kissing her shoulder and neck and whispering soothing words in her ear was better than screaming. He slowly took her in his hands and sat down on a chair with her in his lap. Her raven hair were wet, tear-stains all over her beautiful face and he was caressing her back like she was the most precious thing in the whole world. _She was._

''I'm sorry, my love. I'm so sorry.'', he whispered again and again, as her sobs slowly died.

''I need you, Arthur. Please.'', she hesitantly raised her face from his neck and looked him in the eyes. It was at this moment both of them realized that this was the closest, most comfortable moment they had in a long time. It'd been ages since he had last held her like this, since her breaths felt hot against each other's faces. Her finger-tips found his jaw and for a second, he closed his eyes, enjoying this little moment of peace. ''All I ask is a month.''

''A month?'', he was confused but she felt like she was about to chain him.

She swallowed. ''Yes. If by the end of it you still want a divorce, then I'll trouble you no more.''. In his silence, her confidence trembled. She looked away and moved to get off his lap. ''Of course, if this is too much and you don't want to, then-''

Before she could even finish her sentence, his lips, soft and desperate, were crushed against her own. She almost yelped when his arms went tightly around her hips and raised her up and put her down on the table. In a matter of few seconds, the folder was on the floor, away and forgotten, while he was on top of her, running his hands all over her body. Her hands were on his hair, pulling on his blond halo, giving him access to her body for the first time in two years. Suddenly, she felt wetness against her cheeks and opened her emerald eyes only to meet his red ones gazing down on her.

''Thank you.'', he murmured against her lips, new tears raining down on her face. She cupped his face in her palms and he sighed, touching his temple with hers. ''Thank you so much. I promise, I'll be better. If this one month isn't enough, then you'll be free. I won't ever hurt you again.''

She laughed, a throaty sound that left her lips and wetted her eyes anew. She raised her head only for him to meet her halfway and join their lips once more.

The future was rushing towards them, yet for the first time in a long time, she didn't feel alone.

Soon they found themselves stumbling on the stairs, pulling at each other's clothes. Morgana was trying to take off his shirt with clumsy moves, while he was kissing her and caging her against the walls, trying to make sure that this wasn't a dream, not another piece of his imagination. When his shirt fell of his body, exposing his chest and hard stomach, he noticed a deep blush spread over her cheeks. Her fingers traced his hair there, then trailed a path down to his abdomen. The hard flesh there was evident of his work-out routine and while she would often try to cuddle against him these past months, it's been a long while since she had last touched him in such a way. A feeling of self-consciousness quickly rushed, like a strong wave, and attacked her.

She withdrew her hand away from his body and crossed her arms protectively against her own. She was far from pretty... Her body had marks, gifts from the most beautiful moments of her life, but still, they were ugly. And that, along with the extra weight she hadn't lost since her last pregnancy, only served in feeling like a stranger in her own body. She could see what Arthur had seen in that woman. A beautiful face and an even beautiful body...

Her husband noticed the change in her mood and for a second he frowned, just before smiling and lifting her in his arms. He walked in their room, while she tried to step down, mumbling some words like ''I'm not as thin as I used to'' and ''you'll be in pain later''. He brushed them off and gently lowered her in their bed – the word was so sweet, _their_ – and towered over his beautiful wife. He cupped her face and softly forced her to face him instead of hiding her eyes from him.

''Look at me, my love.'', he whispered against her lips when she closed her eyes and stayed silent until she opened them once again. ''You're perfect.''

Morgana bit her lips. He raised just a little higher, high enough for the moonlight to fall over him. His skin was perfect, yet her eyes fell without her will on the same spot she had seen a love-mark the other day. She turned her face away from him, a tear trickling down her side. ''I'm far from that.''

He swallowed hard. Her pain was evident and it was all his fault. He touched her hand and brought it closer to his lips. With each kiss he left on her fingers, a word left his mouth. ''I do not deserve you.''. When she hesitantly turned to look at him, he smiled. He placed her hand on the side of his chest where his heart laid, it danced in the melody of his love for her. ''Never again, my love. Forgive me.''

She smiled with his words and she moaned with his actions that followed. She enjoyed every kiss on every part of her body and soon, their clothes were a pile on a floor and they were a mess of joined arms and legs and hearts and lips. He kissed his way down and worshiped her like the Goddess she was. He kissed and licked every mark on her skin, sucked on her inner thighs and brought her closer and closer to the starts with his mouth. Their hands were holding each other's the whole time and when she moaned his name for the first time in two years, he nearly cried in happiness.

When he laid above her, her legs wrapped around his waist and her hands around his neck and back, she moaned once again when he drove his throbbing self in her sweet centre. His lips still tasted like her flavor and he loved every bit of their lovemaking. He growled his excitement when she tightened her heated walls around him and screamed his name, again and again.

He felt he was getting close, so close, but he wanted more, so much more of his beautiful wife. With a sudden move, he shifted them and placed her on him. His hands were hard against her soft hips and butt-cheeks.

She stilled, but only for a moment, before he gave her a pleasant rhythm for both of them and she gladly followed his lead. The slight discomfort of having him so deep inside her after so long soon faded again and in its place, the familiar sweet knot was steadily starting to build up down in her belly, getting her higher and higher. He raised his upper body to hug her, keeping her closer to his chest and she moaned louder. At one point, they were sure that the people who lived across them could hear them. He sucked on her neck and gently bitten the skin, wishing to leave his mark on her porcelain flesh.

Her moves were getting more frequent and shorter by the second, him helping her with his hands, lifting her up and slamming her down on him. Both chasing the bright promising stars in each other's eyes and bodies. When he was close, he tried to warn her, tried to push her off him, but it was late, so late and her heat consumed him and lips sealed his. He pushed her down on him with force, wishing to savor this moment, to empty his very soul inside her body and never leave.

When they calmed down and steadied their breaths, they fell back, with her on top of him and his softening member still in her.

''I'm sorry.'', he said. He didn't know if he was referring to Sophia, his shitty behavior or him coming in her, unable to hold himself.

She understood, though, and smiled. ''I love you.'', she whispered and kissed him.

They had a long way ahead and such a sort time to deal with all their problems. But, even though a big part of her was still fearing and doubting every choice and every action they made, she still had hoped somewhere in her heart for them. _This wouldn't be the end._

* * *

* * *

It was almost midnight when Arthur woke up from a sound coming from his phone. Blinking, he tried to adjust his eyes in the deep darkness that surrounded their room. As he moved to reach it, he felt someone moving in his arms and for a moment, he stiffened. Soon, though, the familiar perfume of his wife entered his nostrils and he inhaled happily and satisfied.

His wife was soundly sleeping in his arms, naked and warm. A warm smile spread over his features and he felt like his heart was about to burst in any second from the familiar raw emotion of love. He had almost forgotten how beautiful she looked like this, without any kind of cloth on her body and a satisfied smile on her soft lips. Her breasts were slowly rising and falling in a steady rhythm and he found himself caressing her glowing skin, from her lips down to her thighs. Her skin was not what it used to be before their blessings but it never bothered him, not even a little bit. He was happy that she and their children were healthy. The marks on her skin were a warm happy reminder of that sweet time of their life.

But, he felt ashamed with himself. So, _so_ ashamed. He couldn't give a just and logical explanation on why he had found himself warming Sophia's bed, time and time again these past two years, apart from the fact that she was always in the wrong place in times he found himself weak and self-conscious. In times Morgana made him feel this way. Perhaps, he really was just like Uther and him feeling guilty was just because a part of him was still refusing it. _What would happen if he ever accepted it?_

He shook his head and got off the bed. He had a second chance now and he knew that it would be his last. He aimed to make it worth it. His family was worth it. Uther never thought of his family as a priority. Uther always said that a man needed no woman by his side, only beneath him. A woman could only make him weak. But he felt weak when Morgana was not there, by his side, holding his hand.

He sighed and grabbed his phone to check his messages. He let out a frustrated breath when he saw who had disturbed his peace.

_Whenever you're done with her, come to me. I'm more than willing to help you release some tension ; )_

He scoffed and blocked her number. Putting his phone on the night-stand, he made his way down to the kitchen. He saw there a bottle of whiskey, too tempting to resist. His throat felt dry and his hand was itching to grab it.

On the floor, the divorce papers seemed to mock him.

His children's photos on the fridge looked like they were moving, replaying those happier times. Ig was but some months old, laughing at the camera in his wife's arms. His own arms were fully occupied with Mordred, who was also laughing, with his hands wrapped around his father's neck. They were all so happy back then, but still, a tiny little cloud was hanging over Morgana and his heads. Their eyes were darker, more tired but not like this, not like they were now. They were still happy and not fighting to be.

Uther was sitting on the far end of the kitchen table, holding that same bottle of whiskey in his hands. He was smirking. _Just a lie, naïve man_ , his lips were moving without a sound, _just a lie_. He touched his black shirt and pulled it slightly. _You'll end up right here, just like me._

Arthur smiled and filled a glass of water. ''I will not.'', his voice was strong and sure when he spoke. His father vanished once his glass emptied, his features stoic, no emotion given away. He turned his back on him and soon laid next to his sleeping wife, pulling her into his arms.

He would not.

Morgana would always be his. And he, he would always be hers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well... The story is M rated for a reason, right? Before you come at me, you'd be surprised how many couples have sex when they decide to try on their relationship! 
> 
> Still, I'm very curious to read your comments, so feel free to roast me as much as you like -please be polite though :)


End file.
